You vs Me: Balancing Self Care and Caring for Others

Who do you show up for first? Is it you, or is there another important person in your life whose emotional needs are placed ahead of yours?

“At the end of the day, I am my own first priority”

This perspective centers the self; relying on oneself to source and manage their emotional needs. A person may pursue relationships or situations that promote their joy and adhere closely to their values and boundaries. This person may be especially careful in selecting additional responsibilities, things to manage, and social relationships to keep up with, knowing that any undue stress or conflict is theirs to own.

“My children come first, then my marriage, then me - the individual”

It is easy to forget that many people don’t have the privilege of putting themselves first. Nevertheless, there is virtue to be found in the selflessness of parenthood, in marriage, these relationships that call us to consider the collective over the self. This perspective centers that virtue, and the personal fulfillment that can be found in attending to others. This person is aware they are not the priority, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge themselves or ask for support.

You vs me: what's the right balance?

It's a Balancing Act

This isn’t a debate on which side the grass is greener. This as an invitation to be curious about whether we strike the right balance between taking care of ourselves and taking care of others. Too far in either direction risks building resentment, whether the emotional neglect or isolation is felt by you or by others. We have a duty to ourselves to honor our values, temperaments, moods, to manage and even protect these parts of ourselves when needed. As part of a society, we also owe a level of thoughtfulness to the collective that may transcend our most immediate needs or concerns.

A person, regardless of their philosophy, will eventually wish to be someone else’s first emotional priority. There is virtue in this too - the idea of a world where everyone can point to their person, someone who is reliable for immediate, attuned support. No one wins having to self source, or provide to others from a place of lack. All in all, there is room for appreciation for the factors that motivate emotional priorities while doing our best to offer the same presence and availability we hope to receive.

A Final Word

This blog is intended to educate (and maybe entertain) members of the community and is not a substitute for therapy or direct services from a licensed professional.

Getting the facts right about mental health isn’t just an intellectual exercise. It’s how we reduce the stigma that keeps people silent. Our goal is to make space for honest conversations in our communities. All of our posts are written or reviewed for ethics and accuracy.

If you are ever in crisis, you can get help by dialing 911 or 988 or by visiting your nearest emergency room.